


I opened my mouth, and I tried and I tried...

by hedwwig



Series: Studies in Introspection [3]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Canon Compliant, Episode: s05e05 Geothermal Escapism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 03:19:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2093718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedwwig/pseuds/hedwwig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>but no words came out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I opened my mouth, and I tried and I tried...

You haven’t spoken to him in fourteen hours, seven minutes, and twenty seconds.

How very Rain Man of you to notice.

It’s the longest you’ve gone without speaking since you met him, though that record is sure to be broken soon. You glance around the table and wonder if it’s really there. It’s as if time is frozen in the last second, the word “lie” still ringing in your ears, drowning out the sound of your heartbeat (you hope- you wonder if it’s beating at all) and everyone’s eyes pointed at you, their faces full of a mixture of worry and pity that makes it hard to swallow, and harder to breathe.

You haven’t spoken to him in fourteen hours, eleven minutes, and fifty six seconds. That must mean you’ve moved. You’re not at the table anymore. They’re not watching you anymore.

You blink, and the study room is gone, and you’re sitting in your chair, in your living room, next to him. He’s not smiling. You hate that. You hate yourself. Annie’s smiling. She’s trying so hard. You turn your head slightly away from them, and out of the corner of your eye see two dusty and crumpled hats resting on a chair. You’re certain your heart is beating now- it’s too loud to be healthy. You blink again, and the hats fade away, as if they had never been there to begin with. You’re not surprised, or heartbroken. The word “lie” is still echoing softly in your mind.

You stand up, and find yourself in the bedroom. It’s dark. You haven’t spoken to him in twenty hours, thirty two minutes, and nine seconds. He’s in bed, pretending to sleep. It’s too quiet for him to be actually sleeping. His breathing is too soft. Your chest hurts, and you climb into bed beside him, fully clothed, atop the blankets. You stare up at the ceiling, feeling his eyes on you. His hand fumbles for yours in the darkness, and finds it. You haven’t spoken to him in twenty hours, thirty three minutes, and twelve seconds. Your voice is hoarse from disuse, and you imagine you can still feel Annie and Shirley and Britta and Jeff watching you sadly.

"I love you," you say, finally. You roll to your side and try to look him in the eye. You manage, and even hold the contact. You haven’t spoken to him in four seconds.

He lets go of your hand only to wrap that arm around your waist, wriggling another underneath you, pulling you close to him. You know your heart’s not beating now. You’ve never been hugged this tightly in your life, and are surprised to find yourself hugging back. You think he might have kissed you, except that’s not what either of you needs. You hear him speak against your neck, words hot and muffled through your collar.

"I know."

You spend the night that way, bodies entangled, thankful the air conditioning works so well, holding each other so tightly it hurts. Your heart is beating normally again, in sync with his. You can’t hear the word “lie” anymore, the final word in the final scene of the end of the world as you knew it.

You almost wish you could.

The silence is worse.


End file.
